Road Trips

I love road trips, even when it is in less than ideal circumstances.

When I was a tree planter I once drove from Prince George to Winnipeg in one sitting.  My co-traveler was supposed to take over in Edmonton but she started puking around Jasper so I volunteered to captain the whole trip.  I started to get pretty tired by Saskatchewan but the retching really kept me going.  She fell asleep before Saskatoon so I had to rely on her bad music and smoking to get me through to the perimeter.  To this day Big Wreck and clove cigarettes give me flashbacks, but I still had a good time.  (Yes, I smoked a little when I was 18...give me a break).

A few years later I got to tour the North West US with some friends I was in a hardcore/metal band with.  It was July.  Due to a car breakdown of one of the members of another band, all five of us had to squeeze into a two door Honda Accord with no air conditioning.  I should mention, we were all pretty big people.  Davis, our drummer, is easily 6 foot 4.  When he was in the back seat he would have to put one foot out the driver window, so if you were driving and you went to shoulder check, you would get a face full of calf.  I remember being in Mile City one morning and hearing the forecast for the day being 110 degrees Fahrenheit.  We all grew up Metric, so we all looked at each other and said, "Is that hot?"

By 10:00am the sweat coming off of each of us had formed one continuous, disgusting film.  The windows were open, of course, but the air hitting our faces was hot.  We were living on peanut butter sandwiches and someone left the peanut butter in the back window.  That afternoon the peanut butter was the consistency of milk.  The best way I can illustrate what it felt like is this:

Imagine finishing the most intense track and field day of your high school career.  Now instead of a cool shower and a change of clothes at the end of the day, you are instead tied to four large friends who were also at track and field.  You are then placed directly between a giant hair drier aimed at your face and a giant magnifying glass that aims the sun at your back.

The weather stayed like that for almost two weeks.  It was one of the most fun trips I have ever been on.

Christmas entailed a couple of road trips with Otto.  We drove to each of our parents' houses (to Morris and Morden) and then over New Years we went to Minneapolis with Trisha's family.  Road trips with a baby and a dog are a whole different challenge.

First, you have to pack everything.  Swing. Chair. Clothes. Car Seat. Baby Toys. Play Pen. Presents. Kennel. Dog Bed. Dog Food. Dog Toys.  Somehow a giant station wagon that usually seems way too big starts to feel very, very small.  Interestingly, instead of cutting back on what you pack for your kid, you start to compromise what you pack for yourself.

"He needs that stuffed dog that sings Ba Ba Blacksheep.  I guess one pair of pants should last me about 6 days, right, hon?"
"These diapers take up this whole pocket on my suitcase.  What if I just didn't wear underwear a couple of days?"
"If I just crammed my clothes into a garbage bag instead of a suitcase I bet I could fit the formula next to the over packaged-going-to-break-tomorrow toys we got all our nieces and nephews."

The best is when you meticulously pack everything, Tetris style - every nook is utilized with precision.  After 45 minutes of arranging and planning you stand back to admire the densely packed mass of luggage.  As you do that, you trip over the vibrating chair your son needs if you ever want to put him down on his own for more than 15 seconds.  You forgot to pack it.

"Should I just leave it?" you think to yourself.  It's one of those questions you know the answer to but you hate the answer so much you still think about it for at least 20 seconds.  Then you unload and re-load the car 4 times trying to make it all fit again.  Each time it gets a little more disorganized until finally the whole car looks like it was packed by a tornado.  A grumpy tornado.

It's also super fun when you get to your destination, and despite all your efforts you realize you forgot something.  Especially something vital, like a stroller.  As you can imagine, getting around Minneapolis carrying a 12 pound car seat that contains a 17 pound child could be too much even for my amazing physique.  In our case, my in-laws came to Minneapolis the day after us and they were able to bring it for us.  Of course, the instant this solution presented itself my thought was, "How the * am I going to fit that in the car on the way home?!"
(* = heck, of course.  Come on, my mom reads this blog.)

Then after you're packed, you actually have to travel.  Traveling on an interstate with a baby is it's own challenge.  They start to cry as you pass a sign that says 'Next Rest Area 96 miles.'  Then it becomes a real battle of the psyche.  It goes something like this:

Just-Wants-to-Get-There self: He's just crying, that won't kill him.  It's just an excuse to go faster.
Over-Tired self: If we don't shut him up soon I'm going to drive this thing into the Water Park of America.
Paranoid-Parent self: What if it's an appendicitis?
Delusional self: Maybe I can block it out...we only have 3 more hours of driving.

All in all, though, the traveling was worth it.  We had a pretty great Christmas.  Otto got a bunch of toys he MIGHT be able to play with before next Christmas.  I got some nerdy coffee stuff.  Trisha got new boots.  Otto became really giggly this Christmas.  He's an easy smile now.  We got to spend a lot of time with family and, believe it or not, I even got some reading done.

Now I'm going to put up a bunch of really awesome Otto photos I wasn't allowed to put up before because they were presents for his grandmas.

Happy 2012, everyone.  By the way, if the world ends this year after I've done all this reading, I'm going to be steamed.

Roger Chartier put it best when he said, "It looks like they both filled their pants."

Otto and his girl friends from church.

Santa Klassen

Artur Neumann with Otto Artur Neumann (Klassen)

Otto and his Mama (he was smiling two seconds before this photo).