The Virtual Family Gathering

Well I hope everyone's thanksgiving was great. (all the Canadians, anyways. Don't worry, Americans, you can wait a while before you have to be thankful)

We saw a lot of family this weekend. We took our first long road trip with Otto (all the way to Morden). Ralph and Otto slept soundly all the way there while mom quizzed dad on the differential diagnoses of ST elevation on EKGs. You know, the usual thanksgiving stuff.

However, we didn't see ALL my family or Trisha's family. I feel bad because I really want to show Otto off while he is (somewhat) little. So I turn to the Internet to solve this problem (the Internet solves most of my problems...the Internet and coffee).

In order to recreate the family gathering experience, here are the Klassen Family Thanksgiving FAQ's, derived by statistical analysis of all the questions we were asked at the three family gatherings we did make it to. To complete the virtual family gathering environment, turn the heat up in your house to 32 degrees Celsius and turn two television sets on at full volume, one playing the Maury Show and the other playing the last 30 minutes of Home Alone on a continuous loop.

1) How are you doing? Are you tired?

Yes

2) How does Otto feed?

He sucks on my wife's breast until milk comes out, then he swallows it.

3) Jeff, that's not funny, I meant is he a good eater?

Otto eats in 6 distinct steps.

Step 1: He begins dead asleep. He is so completely asleep you can lift his arm up and it flops down completely limp and lifeless. Remember when the British Bulldog would get Jake the Snake into a sleeper hold and the ref would lift Jake's hand and then drop it to see if he was unconscious? It's kind of like that. He sleeps so deeply you can hold his hand over his face and his palm will flop squarely on his forehead. Of course, I haven't done this (very often).

Step 2: Otto is awoken by hunger and promptly LOSES HIS MIND! The most impressive part is the time from the beginning of step one to the end of step two is about 3 seconds.

Step 3: Otto then attempts to swallow my wife whole.

Step 4: Otto realizes he is still hungry after a whole 4 seconds of eating. He decides this is unacceptable and seems to expect instant gratification (first world problems). Once again he LOSES HIS MIND!

Step 5: With consoling, coddling, encouraging, and coercion we manage to get small amounts of milk into Otto's belly.

Step 6: Otto falls asleep with a mouthful of milk +/- poops his pants.

4) Does he sleep well?

Hmmm. Compared to his parents, yes.

He sleeps a lot like an on call surgeon: at best he sleeps 1-3 hours at a time when he can while a lot of other people look after the details of his life. He demands a lot of attention when he wakes up and nobody wants to wake him unless they absolutely have to because they're not sure how he'll react.

5) Most people ask one of the following two questions:

5a) Wow! He's so big! How much does he weigh?

Yeah, I know, he's huge! He's over 10 pounds!

5b) Wow! I can't believe how small he is! How much does he weigh?

Yeah, I know, isn't he precious! He's just over 10 pounds!

There you have it.

We also got some awesome gifts. Thanks to all my family who thought of us and got Otto something. He seemed like he didn't appreciate, I know, but he did. Trust me.

One gift I have to highlight is this toque (or winter hat or noggin toboggan for some of my international readers):

My cousin, Kaylee Sawatzky, made this hat in three hours! She saw that we had an owl theme going on in Otto's room so she woke up the morning of the family gathering and started making it and three hours later, there was a hat where there was no hat before. Amazing. He might need to grow into it, but we're excited.

Otto's inspired a lot of art and craft around our house. My mother-in-law made us stacks of awesome blankets:

My wife sewed these super owlish curtains:

I drew a couple pictures that we framed for his wall:

And I made this mobile (I call it the Otto-mobile):

Not bad, huh?

To end the post today, some awesome rock and roll dog and kid photo shoot photo shots, including laser eyes and lil' lumberjack. Otto's outfit, by the way, is the outfit I wore home from the hospital when I was born. It is very Bruce Springstein. My mom gave it to me this weekend. Boss.

Air guitar! Solo face! Intensity!