Those are the only sunglasses that fit on my face. And no, I don't mean over my regular glasses. I mean if I'm wearing contacts and need to put on sunglasses like any other normal person, those granny specs are the only ones I can manage to squeeze on my cranium. So now you know a little more about the plight of having a
I mention this because I was wearing them when I started this post. I was sitting in a beautiful screened in patio looking at the Gulf of Mexico. Trisha, Otto, and I were there to celebrate. We have made it. I finished my exams and I passed. Twenty-five years after starting kindergarten I am finally done school.
So what is a Royal College exam, you might be wondering. (Because it's over I can actually explain a little better without breaking into tears.) It's two parts. Part one is a written exam that is done in a total of six hours over two days. All the questions are short answer and mostly consist of making lists. For example:
1) List 14 things that make your toes turn red.
2) List 37 things you can do to treat morning hiccups.
3) List one thing more annoying than this exam (trick question).
The second part is the oral exam. For this you fly all the way to Ottawa. There are a list of recommended hotels given to you by the Royal College. These include the Fairmont, the Hilton, etc. But me and the other Manitoban residents decided to go Winnipeg style. We went for something a little more...thrifty.
The Parliament Hill Hotel and Suites. Every employee appears to be 15 years old, or 75 years old. When we got off on our shared floor we discovered a very strong smell. Imagine finding runners that were dirty and then put in a box. And then buried. For 4 years. We wondered how that smell could be spread through the entire floor. But we quickly learned it was focused in one spot. My room.
The oral exam is not technically that hard. At the same time, it's super hard. It's like eating breakfast. Eating breakfast is not hard at all. But imagine eating breakfast in a suit that is worth more than your car. Then imagine you're being watched by 4 people who have dedicated their lives to eating breakfast, and if they see you eat the fruit loops before the pop-tart, well then you'll never be allowed to eat breakfast again.
Because not every person can be examined at the same time, there is a process in which different people are sequestered for 1-2 hours at a time to ensure there is no cheating. My group had the four prototypical pre-exam losers.
1) The Over-Talker: "Can-you-believe-we're-going-through-this-at-the-same-time-as-Grey's-Anatomy-I-watched-it-last-night-and-it-was-so-good-but-so-scary-HAHAHAHAHA-I-can't-wait-to-be-done-can-you-what-are-you-going-to-do-I'm-going-to-drink-HAHAHAHA-right?"
2) The Bobber: They don't talk much. They bob up and down in their chair. They occasionally make some sort of guttural sounds under their breath. And they sweat.
3) The Over-Analyzer: They are still reeling over the answer they put on the third page of the second booklet of the written exam three weeks ago. To take their mind off of it, they review flash cards.
4) The Blank Stare.
I won't tell you which one I was.
When it was finally my turn to take the exam, the volunteer judicator had a surprisingly difficult time pronouncing my name.
"Dr. Clay-..." furrowed brow, "Dr. Kleese...," Raised eyebrow, "Dr. Class..."
This was a bad start. I rescued her. "Klassen?"
"Yes, Klassen, proceed to door one."
The oral exams are held in the dormitory of a French Community College. Most people are pretty surprised by that. There is a long hallway with numbers posted above the doors on either side. It was pretty easy to find number one.
The door opened to a small foyer that had two more doors, one clearly marked with a "Do Not Enter" sign. I was expecting this. I had heard horror stories about this part of the exam. Numerous stories of fainting, vomiting. There's even a story of a candidate being found 30 minutes after the exam started in the "Do Not Enter" room completely spaced. I walked up to the right door and firmly planted my feet. I concentrated on my breathing. I did not want to become an anecdote. Then a voice came from behind me, "You have to stay in the hallway until the buzzer!" At least I was still conscious.
Most of the actual oral exam is a blur. There was an hour of exam time in the morning and the afternoon. For one hour before and after I was sequestered. As soon as I was finished I jumped in a cab, went back to my hotel, took off all my clothes, ate chocolate and blueberries and watched Storage Wars for 2 and a half straight hours. I forgot at least 47% of everything I had been studying for the last year. It was great.
Now I just have to start working for real (gulp). But that a story for another day.
Slowly I have become my normal self again. Otto recognizes me again. He's almost 10 months old! He claps and babbles. He has two teeth. I'm so ecstatic to be spending more time with him. Check him out. He's the greatest.
